Neil Warner

Neil Warner

Friday, October 29, 2010

Couple disputes are a shield against intimacy

Couple disputes are a shield against intimacy

Sunday, October 10, 2010

How can you hurt the same person you love?

The experience of being in love with someone is a complicated near as you can be, the risk of getting deeply hurt grows.

In the dance between dependence and independence from the other, we can hurt this person by not showing enough love (to show that we can live without him/her) or by showing too much love (showing that we can be so needy as to be able to smother her).

Whatever the moment, there is always this tension, making of the relationship a bittersweet experience. Perhaps it's the same nature of this relationship, says Aaron Ben-Zeév, because this relationship involves our happiness and our life we have so much at stake and there is much to lose; we are more prone to experience this frustration, isolation and hurt. 

We are torn between two poles: mutual dependency can be comforting, but also suffocating our own sense of self. The exact degree of independence from each other allows us to keep a right amount of self-esteem....Is in this frame that we can see sudden anger expressions as ways of limiting the dependence and regaining a bit more of self-esteem. Anger in this case doesn't mean rejection or lack of love, but a healthy defense of our own inner a useful means to strengthen or readjust a relationship.

Understanding this complicated dance of independence/dependence is vital for the relationship survival. Thus, is necessary to change some frames of mind that tend to see the other’s need for some privacy as abandonment; and begin to see it as a necessary measure to regain sense of self…If we can see in this way our lover’s actions, we would be hurt less times by our own interpretation of self-preservation as hurt intended towards us.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

New Research: can intense love feelings be your medicine?

Love emotions really can behave like a drug in your body, according to new research that shows feelings of intense love can relieve pain.
Researchers from Stanford University studied the link between love and pain by scanning the brains of 15 college students who all professed to being deeply in love. The eight women and seven men were placed in brain scanners that tracked their body’s response to pain — in this case a heated probe placed on the palm of the hand.

In this research, looking at a picture of a loved one, compared with watching a friend’s pix reduced moderate pain by about 40 percent and eased severe pain by about 10 to 15 percent.
Why is this happening? Romantic feelings activate the brain’s dopamine system, and produces a mood of happiness and pleasure like any other strong pleasure activity like gambling, doing drugs or participating in a sport you love passionately. The released dopamine interacts with other parts of the brain that release natural painkillers and voila! You have your own center for pain-killer production!
Having a strong romantic interest is not only good for your heart, but trains you to seek the feeling of being in love as a welcome change from the perception of a tired and sick body. 
Isn’t that the core message of romantic songs and stories? We can even compare the excitement of a new love in our lives to the "runner's high" produced by exercise...and understand why we all need a new love here and then, to revitalize our lives and bodies.